I'm going to jail i love you
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
