is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
