Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
