guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
