You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
