We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
