Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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