Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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