I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
