She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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