everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
