So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize