3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
