what day is it and did you see me today?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
