After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
