just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
