then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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