youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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