I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
