The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
