It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
