TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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