I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
