the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
