so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
