tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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