How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
