it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
