Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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