Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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