my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
