drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
