my mouth tastes like poor choices
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
