"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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