i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
