Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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