So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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