I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
