he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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