I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
