On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
