i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
