I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
