Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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