It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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