it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
