I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
