We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
