hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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