carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
