i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
