Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
