I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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