I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
