Got a toothbrush?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
