How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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