Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
