I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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