Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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