I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm too high and old for this...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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