so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
