I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
