just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
