I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
