ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
