I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize