What a fucking waste of an outfit
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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