today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
