and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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