Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
