I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
