Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
