I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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