summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
