i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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