I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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