someone get that fucking seahorse.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
