i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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