maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
