I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
