the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need water and some morals
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
