Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
