I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
