The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
