dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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