Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What a dumb baby whore.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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