my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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