they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
