my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Someone came in the potted fern
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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