Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize