$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can text with my tongue
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
