I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize