I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
