I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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