tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
