I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
